He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
