so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
