You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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