I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
