maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize