Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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