the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
