im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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