I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
