Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
