the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
