i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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