SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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