Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
