maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
