found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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