swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
