i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
