she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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