She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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