He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
