After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
