you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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