Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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