Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
