ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
