Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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