new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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