everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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