His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
