You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize