I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
