I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
