im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
