K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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