How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
