when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he thought i was a dude.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize