Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
