my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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