Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In other news, I just burned my penis
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
