Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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