Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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