"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
