But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
