I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize