you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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