tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
