did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
