yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
