i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you didnt know i had herpes?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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