Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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