So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
