I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
