a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize