dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize