I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
