I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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