you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
