you have to choose: penises or morals?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
