k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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