I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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