Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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