What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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