if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it because I queefed?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
